


i love you

by simpbot



Category: IT (2017), IT (2019), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Teen Angst, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-19 05:37:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22172686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpbot/pseuds/simpbot
Summary: "maybe won't you take it back? say you were trying to make me laugh and nothing has to change today, you didn't mean to say 'i love you'."(or Eddie confesses his feelings to Richie, and Richie doesn't take it well.)Based off of 'i love you' by Billie Eilish.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	i love you

**Author's Note:**

> should i make a part two? let me know, please:)

No, it had to be wrong. This was just a joke. Richie would wake up soon, and this would all be a dream. Some fucked up dream at that.

Eddie did NOT love him. No. He didn't. Richie refused to believe it.

-

It started with them sitting on the roof of Richie's house. Richie had gotten into a pretty fucked up fight with his parents, and Eddie came to comfort him. Everything was normal at first, and they were joking around and having fun as they always did.

After sitting in silence for a while, staring at the stars together, Eddie turned to Richie. "Hey, Rich.. Can I tell you something?" He asked, sitting up a bit more. Richie gave him a smile and nod in return. "'Course!"

Sighing, Eddie nervously bit his lip. He cleared his throat, his eyes cast downwards.

"I love you.." Eddie whispered.

Those three words caused Richie's whole body to tense up immediately, sitting up in shock. "What?" He asked, not believing it in the slightest. He laughed a bit, shaking his head. "No, you don't." He added.

Eddie gulped and he felt tears well up in his eyes, and Richie's smile dropped when he noticed. Eddie never cried in front of people. And if he did, then it was always Beverly and nobody else. He always held his emotions in from Richie or the others, since he'd rather be there for them instead and deal with his shit on his own.

"I do.." Eddie whispered again, keeping his eyes down as a tear rolled down his cheek.

Richie still thought it was some sick twisted joke, thinking and praying that Eddie would turn to him and say he was just kidding and that he would never love Richie in their lives. But that didn't come. Instead, Richie sat and listened to the quiet cries of his best friend in the silence of the night.

Richie let out a shaky breath, coughing awkwardly. "Please tell me this is just a joke.." He begged quietly. "Just.. You're just trying to make me laugh, right?" He asked, hopeful that the answer would be yes.

He received a head shake in return.

Richie scooted away from Eddie, his palms sweaty.

"You can't love me, Eds. You can't." He spoke, shaking his head. "That's fucked up. You can't say shit like that. I'm not... I'm not like that." He rambled, running his hands through his hair.

Letting out a broken sob, Eddie quickly scrambled to pull himself up. "I- Fuck. I'm sorry, Richie.." He apologized.

Richie continued to stare at the roof tiles, his breathing heavy. "I don't want shit to change between us. Just, tell me you're lying. That this is all a joke you planned with the others." He said, getting up.

Eddie shook his head slowly, "It isn't a joke.."

"Yes, it fucking is!" Richie yelled suddenly, making Eddie flinch. "You didn't mean that. You didn't mean to say that." He spat. Eddie carefully backed away, going to the ladder at the side of the house. He gulped and didn't say anything else, climbing down the ladder as quick as he could, running home with a broken heart.

-

That night, Richie didn't sleep. He stayed awake all night, his palms red from pinching them so much due to his anxiety.

His eyes were red from the lack of sleep, and the crying.

A part of him felt guilty. He didn't mean to make Eddie cry. And he hated that he did. He just didn't want Eddie to say those words. Those words that were fucked up and scared Richie half to death.

Richie stared at his window, the sun rising slowly as it neared six in the morning.

The broken boy laid in bed all night, thinking of Eddie and what happened. Richie wasn't like that, was he? No. He couldn't be. He grew up taught that loving the same sex was a sin. That he would go to hell if he ever did love somebody of the same gender. He swore to his parents that he wouldn't ever betray them in that way. He wouldn't do that.

So why did he feel so guilty and heartbroken? Why was he up all night crying and wishing he could take it all back? Why did he feel like such a fucked up person? And most importantly, why did he lie to Eddie?

He lied.

He lied about everything. He lied to his parents, himself, his friends, his counselor, everybody.

He did love Eddie. He always tried to refuse that it was true, that he didn't have feelings for another boy because that wasn't right. That was disgusting in the eyes of everyone in their small piece of shit town.

He loved Eddie. So much. And he didn't want to, at all. He just couldn't.


End file.
